Oh Frank

 This is hard for me to write. My heart is broken. 

On Friday, I had driven out to Chestermere, Langdon and Strathmore to deliver some certificates to seminary teachers. On the way back, my car was overheating. I pulled over on the highway and called Allen. He came to help me and while that was happening, Frank got out of the car. He ran on the highway. Cars were swerving and trying to miss him, but he got hit. It was the most awful thing to see and I cannot get it out of my mind. The people who hit him stopped, stunned. They apologized. We knew it wasn't their fault and told them so. Allen ran over and picked Frank up. We rushed to a vet's office. Allen held him and begged him to hang on, but he didn't make it and died in Allen's arms. 

I have so much guilt. I should have taken Allen's car out there.

I should have known he would bring Frank with him and helped manage him.

I should have been able to catch him.

I should have....

I should have....

I should have....

We called Jill and asked her to come over. We went and got Peirce at work and told him. Jill and her boyfriend, Adrian, took Peirce home and I took Frank to the vet's office. 

When we all got home we sat in Peirce's room and cried. Chico came in and was uncharacteristically affectionate. I think he knew and wanted to comfort us in our sadness. Adrian cooked some food and we looked at pictures and cried. There was a lot of crying. Jill suggested we have a family prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for the time we had with Frank and for the comfort in knowing we know where Frank is and that Jesus has felt all this pain before as well. 

I don't know if I will ever get over seeing everything happen. It will always hurt my heart. My friend Lauri Bell sent me a message and I said to her that I wondered how long this would hurt so much. She said:

I like this quote by Rose Kennedy:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds. ' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."

I believe that is true. 

My friend, Lori T, said that the pain is part of the result of loving so much. We sure did love Frank. I can hear Allen sobbing now and then and Peirce stays in his room and it all just breaks my heart. 

We will always remember Frank so fondly. He was the happiest dog. He brought happiness to us and this all shouldn't have happened. Somehow, we will go on but we will never forget.

This is what Peirce wrote:

rescued me the day I brought you home wrapped up in your blanket. I never knew how empty my life was until you arrived. You were my most precious gift, so loving, so kind, so gentle, so full of joy. My best friend, my family, my heart, my soul.

He would nip my ankles when he was a puppy as I walked about, listened to me while I vented, held secrets I would not share with another living soul, and he loved me despite my faults and imperfections, without condition or expectation of anything in return — except for my love. He held my heart. I’ve never met a dog that was so happy and outgoing, and people noticed that about him too.

It's hard to come home knowing a wiggly dog won't greet you at the door, but I also have a sense that there's a bit of a wagging tail within myself, in his memory at the same time. His selfless, glowing spirit is captured in the hands of every human who pet him, and I am beyond lucky to be a part of his fan base. He taught me the essence of freedom from the very moment he came into my life. He taught me how to feel sovereign while even controlled at the end of a leash, how to let my ears flap in the wind, and how to live like every car trip to the vet was a drive up to the mountains. With those guidances in mind, how could I not think to myself "What a wonderful world?", and what a wonderful dog.

I would do anything to take you longboarding or hiking one more time. No one expected it so suddenly and so soon. For almost two years, you made my life so much better. Your massive paws on your tiny body were so cute. Then you grew into your paws and became the biggest baby ever.

I love you and I will never stop wishing we had more time. You were everything and more.

I love you, frank