Life has a strange way of giving us experiences to help us grow. Today I found out we are no longer having a baby. I had an ultra sound 10 day ago which raised concerns. Today the concerns were confirmed. The baby has not developed as babies normally do. There is a gestational sac, but they think the baby stopped developing after 4 weeks.
The past 10 days have been an emotional rollercoaster. Deep down inside I knew something was really wrong - but I refused to let myself go there because I wanted to use faith. I knew God could fix this. I knew he could help us have a healthy baby. But today when they told me I knew. I already knew. But I didn't want to believe it. I'm not sure why we have had to go through this. It's heartbreaking.
I'm grateful I wasn't sure of my dates - because if I was more sure of my dates I wouldn't have been sent for an early ultra sound. I'm grateful to know now. I would be 10 weeks right now.
I met Peirce at the bus today and while walking home I told him. He said, "Oh mom, that's so sad. Why does this happen so much?"
I told him I didn't know - and that it made me sad too - but that I was sure grateful to have the two children I do have. He said to me, "You don't have two children....now you have four."
We were going to have a baby, but instead we had an angel. Again.