Vaccine #1: check!

 It's hard to express the jubilation I felt at getting my first covid vaccine. My appointment was at our convention center downtown. They said not to arrive more than ten minutes prior to your appointment. I dutifully followed those instructions and was quite dismayed to realize how long the line was. It was like the worst kind of Disneyland line up with turns and twists. One minute I'd think I was almost there and realize that the line twisted off in another direction. In the end, it took two hours of standing in line. I felt a little irritated at that but had to reign in my feelings because I was finishing up a book as I stood in line that was about young Ukrainian people  during World War II. Reading about their struggles, sacrifices and how they were abandoned made complaining about standing in a line for a vaccine that would end a world wide pandemic seem silly to complain about. It has been a hard year. We have had to pivot again and again in schools and adjust what we're doing. Children have made many sacrifices and struggled through this year, but most of us weren't starved or abused. The idea that the vaccine could get us out of the measures Alberta Health Services asks us to follow is to me, exhilarating. The sacrifice we've been asked to make hardly compares to what others before us have made. This vaccine is a miracle. I'm grateful.

Miracles!

I have been nursing this plant back to life. Look how it has responded! Every time something flowers that I have had a hand in, I am amazed!

Day 77 Snow and Blossoms

My Christmas cactus is blooming again!!

They say it blossoms at Christmas. Mine must think it is Christmas because it looks like this outside: 

Life is Hard

Tomorrow is a new day
As long as we show love
Beauty will reign supreme
Beginnings will present themselves
You will conquer

Keeping faith
Always shows that
You will
Live strong
And rise from the challenges

I just finished reading Awake and Dreaming. Breaks my heart.

Answered Prayer

Peirce lost his wallet this month. He has been quite sad about it because there was a lot of stuff in there, not to mention some money and some gift cards. He looked and looked and looked and was unable to find it. I suggested that perhaps he pray about it. He has been diligently doing that. Last night he read an article in the New Era about revelation and came to me rather sad that he hadn't received revelation about where his wallet is and that his prayer has not been answered.

Switch to this morning: I got to school and realized there was a message on my phone. I forget to check my phone at school. As a matter of fact, I so rarely use the phone that I put it on a top shelf - as a result, I don't always notice when there is a message. Today there was a message that was a few days old. It turns out someone found his wallet near where he gets off the bus. We will be going to pick it up after school.

I was a little concerned when Peirce's prayer wasn't answered. No one wants to have their child go through feeling like God isn't listening to them. Apparently, the prayer was answered quite a while ago - his mother just didn't check voice mail!

I find this whole story comforting. I've had some prayers lately that I am stewing over. This whole experience is a good reminder that God is very well aware of us and does answer our prayers. To me, every time a prayer is answered, it's like a miracle. The timing of this one is interesting. If I had answered that voice mail immediately, it wouldn't have had the same impact it had on my own life by answering it today. It is a good reminder to me.

I am grateful.

Why I Write

I have felt a little blue this week. It has been coming on for a while. Different pressures are weighing down on me. I feel discouraged about some things I don't know how to fix and don't really want to deal with. Logically, I realize isn't helping the situation.....but I can't seem to make myself fix it.

Then I decided to write about it.

Suddenly I feel such a relief. I feel a resurgence of energy. Maybe I can handle this!

That is why I write. It brings clarity. It helps me see possibilities. It helped me feel hopeful.

That is why I write. It is therapeutic! 

It is practically a miracle.

Math Miracle

This is Jill's first year of high school. She has always done pretty good in school and never has had to put in a lot of work. This year though, things changed. She had a math class that was really difficult, and after a month or so it became known to us that her mark was around 55%. We had a big talk and helped her realize this wasn't going to be okay. She wants to go to an away camp with the swim club for Spring Break and so I told her that she had to get her marks up to 80% in order to be able to go to the camp. This seemed to her to be an absolutely impossible goal. She got to work though. We helped her understand that for every hour i class she might have to do an hour's work at home.  This was shocking and horrifying to her and initially, I think she didn't believe us. As time unfolded we realized she really didn't know how to study. She came to me one day and said, "Mom, I have my calculator out, I have my books out...now what do I do?"

I helped her figure out what she needed to do (practice!) and pretty soon she got the hang of it. Soon she started bringing the books home and studying quite regularly. Each test got a little better, with a few stars here and there, and a few mishaps as well. However, by the end of the semester she needed to get a really good mark on her final to help to get 80%.

Luckily, in high school, there is an exam break, so she got the time to spend her days studying.

As the day of the exam approached she was really nervous. Her mark was hovering around 70% and she really couldn't afford to blow this. Her nerves were really getting to her. My heart was softened a little and I told her that if she really worked as hard as she could, and wasn't at exactly 80%, she probably would still get to go on the trip.  That was a bit of a relief - but she still, appropriately, felt the pressure. She even cancelled out of a swim meet to prepare properly for the exam. Now we knew she was serious!

The day of the exam Allen gave her a blessing. She wrote the exam and told us that she knew what to do on every question. That was a big deal! We got the results, and sure enough, she had done very well on the test. Well enough to bring her mark to 78.5%!

We were relieved. She was grateful.

All in all, it was a miracle. She had to work hard. It didn't ever come easy to her, even after plenty of studying - but somewhere along the way there was some grace. She said she thought maybe the teacher made the test a little easier than she had originally planned. I think maybe we saw a miracle happen. She did the work. The Lord knew she had put in the time and she was blessed to be able to understand it, to have the wisdom to focus on the right topics, and as a result, she did it.

I'm so grateful for miracles!

A Temple Miracle

It used to be that as soon as a break from school started, I would get sick. It was as though when I finally relaxed all those germs I had been carrying around said, "Ah ha! We've got you now!" I would spend the first 3 days of a break sleeping, and then the next week being sick. I don't seem to do that anymore. All through winter break I felt great. However, on Monday, at our PD Day, a cold suddenly hit me. On Tuesday I felt really really terrible. Like really terrible. This was was a doozie. I stuck it out though and made it through Tuesday. Wednesday wasn't much better. It seemed like no matter how much cold medicine I took I couldn't stop my nose from running. I was blowing my nose all day long. My skin was worn out and sore from all the nose blowing and my head was aching. I helped Peirce with homework in the evening and I was blowing and blowing and blowing my nose and sneezing and sneezing and sneezing. I felt really miserable.

Big problem: I had volunteered to clean the temple. In my mind I went through all the reasons I shouldn't go do it.

• That place is clean enough!
• There will be other people there to help.
• I'm sick.
• I need sleep.
• This is just a make work project. Do they really need to clean that place every single day?!
• Jill has swimming tomorrow morning
• I really just want to go to bed.
• I don't know what I'm supposed to wear.
• I just don't want to do it!

In the end though, I decided maybe I should just go and do my duty....because I said I would.

I arrived at 9:15. They give you white scrubs to put on. I went and sat in the chapel with everyone else and waited and grumbled to myself that we should just get at it. Finally President Stonehocker came along and gave us a spiritual message (a spiritual message for cleaning the temple?!) and we got to work. I was assigned to sweep and mop bathroom floors (there are a lot of bathrooms in that place!) I realised about 45 minutes into things that I wasn't sniffing anymore. No need to blow my nose anymore.

What?!

This morning it's the same thing. I still feel like my sinuses are going a little crazy - but I don't have a terribly runny nose like I had with a vengeance Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday.

It's seriously a temple miracle. I'm one who only gets better with lots of sleep. Last night I was there until 11:15 and got home at 11:30. It always takes me a little time to unwind and so I didn't really get to sleep until after midnight. I shouldn't feel this good today! I'm sure grateful that I do though.

Choose Kind!

Today, for me, is Choose Kind Day. It's a saying, from a great book I read, called Wonder.

When I was pregnant with Destiny I felt like she was a gentle little girl. I still feel strongly that she was very kind. After she was born, I felt a strong desire to be a little kinder, especially to children. I have decided that today is my own official Choose Kind day, in remembrance of her.

I'm so blessed to have people who remember her birthday every year. She would have been six years old this year. Maybe she would have been coming to school with me and been in kindergarten or grade one this year. Imagine how different life would be if we had a six year old in our family!




I also got flowers from my cousin. I was doing fine until she showed up to tell me she loves me!! Lots of tears. They're grateful tears though.



I remember, when she was first born, how hard it was to talk about her. I couldn't do it without crying. People said it would get easier with time. I couldn't imagine it ever getting easier - but it really does. I can even accept now that maybe it all happened for a good reason. She brought something into our fmaily that couldn't have happened any other way.  I do feel blessed for having gone through the experience.

We love you Destiny. You will always be real to me.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

  The Velveteen Rabbit (emphasis my own)

 

This passage really touches me because some people are really uncomfortable talking about the whole Destiny story. They aren't sure what to say when it comes to a baby that is dead. I'm okay talking about it, but I try not to make other people feel uncomfortable. As ugly as the whole situation is, it is beautiful to me.



Life Changing Moments

 

This morning I almost died. Serious.

I was sitting at a red light. I heard a big crack and looked in my rear view mirror to see a little car flying down the road straight at me. I didn't even really have time to think or do anything. Right as the car got to me it suddenly turned, flew over the median (luckily there was no traffic in the oncoming lanes) and hit a tree dead on.

I drove my vehicle around the corner and then ran out to help. We had our first snowfall last night so the snow is kind of deep. I was slipping and falling and trying to get there as fast as I could....it was surreal. The car was totally wrecked. The driver was probably in his early 20s. My guess is he had a seizure. He kept going in and out of consciousness while I was on with 911.

Once the firetrucks came I left. It was an odd feeling to just walk away - but they said the police have my info from the 911 call so I could leave. That's when the emotions kicked in.

My guess is this is the first seizure this guy has had....his life has changed today.

So has mine.

Grateful to be alive. Grateful to be able to tell the story and not be hurt. I should have been hit. I had actually just turned the radio off a few blocks previous and was talking to God as I drove.

 

Man, did I say a prayer of gratitude after.

A New Attitude

I was reading in 1 Nephi today and was struck by the story of Laman and Lemuel and Nephi. It was clear to me that murmuring and grumbling is a way to not hear God's voice. It is interesting that Laman and Lemuel went with Nephi and Sam to get the plates after Lehi asked them to go back to Jerusalem, but all along the way they grumbled and murmured about it.

It made me think of myself. I sometimes spend a lot of energy grumbling about all the things I have to do for other people. I have decided that this year I will stop grumbling and just enjoy it. Driving kids is a great time to visit with them and strengthen our relationship. Waiting for kids is a great time to read or to walk - a person can walk anywhere. I just have to remember to always have the right shoes with me! And serving other people is a great opportunity to feel the spirit and get closer to God - if I'll only not grumble about it.

Laman and Lemuel grumbled. Nephi instead got a fixed determination to accomplish what he'd been asked to do. No wonder he was the stronger one.

And 1 Nephi 4:1 is a great thing to remember. God is mightier than all. If I put him first and make sure I'm reading my scriptures daily I'm sure he will help me make it through the long list of things there are to do each day.

Bumps in the Road

This week I've had a chance to get together with some old friends a couple of times. It has been so great! I have also been updated on some issues going on amongst some of my extended family. It's been kind of sobering to hear the hard times my friends have gone through the past couple of years, and the hard times some of my family is going through.

I've done a lot of thinking about it all. It is always nice if you have someone to weather the storms of life with you. I feel a little guilty that I wasn't aware of the challenges my friends were going through. I sure would have been happy to provide a little support. I also look at some of the challenges people in my family are going through. There's really nothing I can do except show love and be supportive.

One thing I've learned through my own challenges is that nobody else can fix me. I also watch other people and often try to remain not too emotionally involved, because I can't really fix their challenges either.

The other thing I've learned is that life is just full of challenges! And despite those challenges, it's possible to be happy. Some people run into issues and it becomes all consuming when it really doesn't have to. There are some challenges that truly are all consuming - and some of my friends have really gone through those. However, I look at other people who think they have big problems and I think they really don't know what a big problem is - yet they sure like to act like their problems are debilitating. I sure admire people who faces challenges and don't tap out.

My life isn't perfect or simple either. There are plenty of things I wish were different. However, there are plenty of things that bring a boatload of joy to my life. I will choose to focus on those things. I have also realised that finding joy in the simple things in life might just be the key to happiness. I've never really been one to compete or worry about whether my house or clothes or kids or whatever is fancier, or even just as nice as someone else's. It doesn't really matter. What I have suits me just fine and that's good enough. I don't really want for anything. Life is really very good.

So Proud to be a Calgarian!

I've follow lots of blogs, and pictures of people helping out in the aftermath of these floods have been absolutely overwhelming.

It's always nice when a crisis brings people together. That is sure what has happened here.

Here are some of the still shots of the crazy things happening over the past couple of weeks here. This gives me chills:





The church has been very organized too. Here's a great story on that:

A Little Sunday Miracle

I know there are others like me. We are the ones who keep clothes in closet that do not fit. One day, we promise, they will fit.

About a year ago I decided I would never again diet and never again set a goal to lose weight. My plan wasn't to remain fat. I planned to change that. I knew I had to change my focus though. I decided I would stop setting goals to lose weight and set goals that could help me lose weight instead. One was to walk every day. Another was to eat a salad once a day. I have had times where I have been sorely tempted to buy another bottle of hCg, or go to TOPS, or read some meat loving diet book AGAIN....but then I stop myself.

Now and then there are days where I want to shout out to the world that IT IS WORKING!!

What is going in today? well, today I took up the fight and put in a pair of tights I bought a long time ago. When I put them on back then they came just past my knees. I knew there was no point trying anymore. So I put them in the back of my drawer because they are really nice tights and I hoped to one day wear them. Today they were the only clean pair available so I thought I would subject myself to the torture again. After all, it has been a long time since the last try.

And you will not believe it. They are on!!! I put them on and stood in front of the mirror for a long pause. It still isn't a very pretty picture. I have so far to go. But they are on!!! And they fit! I can breathe! And I don't think the threads are suddenly going to give way!

It's a modern day miracle.

It takes a lot longer than some of the great diets I have tried, but I think this time, finally, it is going to really work. I will never again lose 20 or 30 or so pounds and gain it back, plus 5 more.

It is really working!!

Now.....to put something over this tights.

The Circle

The play we went to see today was sandwiched with service. Before the play I went and helped get food ready for a dear friend's ex-husband's funeral. After the play we went to the funeral and helped with the food for the reception after. They were all very grateful, and it was a wonderful experience to be able to give that service. I couldn't help think often, as the service wore on, about how people did this for me when Destiny died. It gave me a feeling of reverence to be able to do the same for someone else. I suppose that is what this life is all about. We help each other through the hard times, and together enjoy the happy times. All I know is I was sure happy to be able to give that service for a friend. Peirce and Allen were there too (Jill was babysitting) I think Peirce felt the spirit of service too because I didn't hear any complaining from him for the long hours we spent. He wrote an amazing note to my friend's son to say how sorry he was that his dad had died and how he knew a little bit about how it feels because his sister died. Tonight he even told me he liked being there. So glad to be able to give that service together. Life is good.

Miracles

The Saturday evening adult session of our Stake conferences are always a spiritual feast. Tonight was no exception, the topic was miracles. A number of people spoke about miracles in their lives:

One sister talked about how her stake president had challenged their stake to attend the temple four weeks in a row. She had health issues involving chronic pain that made a trip to Cardston very taxing. It would usually wipe her put for days. She decided to take the challenge though. As she attended each week she found she was able to be limber enough to do all she was required to do driving o, at the temple, coming home from the temple, and in her personal life after returning. Her pain totally disappeared and she was healed. A true miracle.

Next was a new convert to the church. He talked about how hislife had changed since being baptized - all miracles. He talked about how great it was to be part of a church family where people greeted him and cared Bout him and where he could visit with people in their homes. He talked about how is relationships had improved and how he was more patient and tolerant. All miracles.

Then a man got up who had had chronic back pain. Over six years it got worse and worse until he was bedridden 95% of the time. He had someone he had promised that if he read the Book of Mormon with him every day he would be healed and they would go on backpack hiking trips together....something absolutely impossible and absurd at the time. that was in 2011. Over the year they did read together and he was healed. A true miracle. Now he works out daily. He can walk and run and skip, and he does!

A lady spoke who is a single mom. Her husband died when her oldest was ten. She talked about the struggles of being a single mother, and how her children struggled too. She talked about how the oldest got reactivated and went on a mission and was called to the place his father had said before he died that he would. When he got his call it was to a neighboring country to what his dad had named as his mission, but the call got changed and he did end up serving whe his dad had said he would. Her next son has also been called on a mission.

The music tonight was amazing. The opening hymn (The Lord is My Light) set the tone. The intermediate hymn was a special musical number and was amazing. One line was: let me lve and serve and teach those that come within my reach, for that is where miracles begin. After the stake presidency spoke we departed from the planned hymn and stood and sang The Spirit of God. It was amazing!

President Rausch talked about his daughter Emily. When she was 8 she started having seizures. It started with just falling down. She said her leg got tingly and she fell. This stated happening more and more until she was having 40 or more seizures a day. She couldn't do things other kids did because there was always the worry she would get really hurt while having a seizure. They went to all sorts of doctors and no cure was found. A couple years later at the beginning of the school year she was told in a Father's blessing she would ge healed by he end of the school year. A new neurologist came to the Childre's Hospital and found something in an MRI none of he previous doctors had noticed. A surgery was scheduled for July. That wasn't the deal though. She was to be healed before school finished that year. Sure enough an opening came up at the beginning of June. Since mid-June of that year, now ten years later, she has not had another seizure.

President Zemp talked about a friend he recently ran into. Is wife has had severe mental health issues and there has been nothing over the past 20+ years to heal (or help?) her situation. The miracle there has been the husband. He has been blessed with an amazing ability to love and hlp his wife through her struggles. A true miracle.

President Thomas spoke last. He challenged us to trust God and allow him to perform the miracles in our lives he can. He said God has much more in store for us than we can ever imagine.

It was an amazing evening. Just what I needed! I have seen many miracles in my own life and know they are God's grace. I am grateful for miracles and will continue to watch for them in my life.

Boxing Day

Mom wanted us to go to dinner today to a place she had been invited. Brad's wife, Jill's, sister had invited her. I felt kind of weird about going, but mom wanted us to go, so we decided we would. I figured we could endure it.

I have to say, I had to most fun at a party where I didn't know anyone. There were probably about 30 people there for dinner. Mom and Uncle Clifford and Brad and Jill were there - so we knew some people at least.

Turned out we had a few connections! Jill's sister's name is Mikenzie. She is really outgoing and fun and easy to be around. She was sitting and talking to mom and I suddenly it clicked who she was. She was talking about sewing and shopping and sewing machines....and it clicked. Patti Hawryluk always talked about her friend Mikenzie who she'd go shopping with and who likes to sew. So I asked her if she'd ever lived in Calgary and if she knew Patti, and sure enough!

We also found out that her son lives in our ward. Funny thing was his little girl was singing happy birthday in French to Jill. While she was singing I said to myself that I should go talk to this little girl - but I didn't. Then when we found out that Mikenzie's son lives in our ward (he's less active and someone the Bishopric has been trying to visit) Allen visited with him some and we found out that their daughter goes to Peirce's school. We had a really nice visit with them.

Such a small world!

Blessings We Didn't See At First

This weekend Allen took Jill to Edmonton for a meet. On the way there he started to have car trouble. When he got there his car died. Dead. Not to be revived. It is the transmission (again!) we replaced the transmission once, then had to do a big transmission repair again, and now another transmission issue. Enough. Time to move on. A few weeks ago he was in an accident. That is the blessing we didn't realize was a blessing. The insurance money to pay for the no longer needed repairs will be a great start to a new vehicle. Phew!

While I was sitting in church today I was thinking about my week: about what I learned about planning versus letting go, about not getting upset when bad things happen like car accidents, or car deaths, and about trusting God, when the spirit whispered to me that God always has a plan, a much better and more grand plan than I could ever come up with. Letting go and just stepping off the ledge and trusting that God will be there to catch me is hard for me, but I am learning to trust Him. I am grateful for that little whispering today. I know from the pain in my sciatic nerve that appeared today is because I am worrying. I will try to have more faith. I am trying!

Family Bottle Drive

Little miracles seem to happen all the time.

Jill wanted to attend a swim camp this week. We told her she would need to raise half the money to attend. We talked about some things she could do make money. She decided to try dng her own "bottle drive" of sorts. She tried knocking on doors with Peirce on Friday, but hardly anyone was home. I suggested we try going to some restaurants and businesses. They were kind of leery at first, but after a few successful attempts they were on a roll. We went out for 3 hours on Friday, and then had some places to follow up on Saturday. Some people said they would bring their bottles from home, or they had to check with the boss, etc. So we came back Saturday.

The camp cost $250. Just before heading out to the camp today we added up what she had.....an astounding $125.50.

Can you believe that?? What are the chances that we would get the exact number of cans and bottles needed for the exact amount needed?? My thinking is that it was a miracle indeed. A real lesson that God provides exactly what we need.

Car Prayers

Today Peirce and I went to Lethbridge for Dustin Noble's new little baby's baby shower. What a cute little guy that Logan is!

We went down in Allen's car. On the way home at Fort Macleod we ran out of propane. No problem. I switched over to gas....or so I thought. The car kept stalling. I called Allen and we couldn't figure out the problem. I figured out if I didn't touch the gas it would start, so we coasted into Claresholm. Peirce was scared and asking tons of questions non stop driving and me crazy. I finally said: Peirce, how about you stop talking and just pray...and don't stop praying....and wouldn't you know it, that was when we figured out what was wrong. Suddenly the green light for propane came on. Maybe I had hit it twice when I went to shut it off. I don't know. All I know is it took us about an hour to go the 18 km's into Claresholm. It wasn't until Peirce started praying that we saw the light. Maybe we just needed a prayer experience for the kid :)