Sunday, 30 December 2012

Gratitude

I have decided I need to spend more time focusing on the positives things in my life. Sunday Seven is a great way to do that! Not quite enough time to do 7 right now - but a little bit is better than none, don't you think?!

Forgiveness - I'm acutely aware of my shortcomings and am so glad that God has patience and forgives me

Holidays - Although I get to about this point and feel like it's time to go back to work, I am so grateful for holidays. I still can't believe that they pay me every month and still give me two weeks off. I really do appreciate the rest.

Children - I am so grateful for my kids. We have sure missed Jill this Christmas. She is having a great time at her swim camp in California but we sure will be happy to have her home. It has been fun to have Peirce as an only child through these holidays too. They're both wonderful people!

Allen - I appreciate how much he loves me and wants me to be happy. I admire him as he works through struggles. He is committed to getting better all the time and I love him endlessly!




Come Follow Me

Today at church we learned about the church's new youth curriculum. I was asked to do part of the lesson. It has been quite interesting to read about it. I think they have really created something great. It made me so glad that I get to be a Sunday School teacher. I hope I can do it justice!

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Christmas Surprises

This has been a sad Christmas. For years I have felt like a bit of an outsider in my family with some people...you know, that person you're related to, but would really rather not spend time with. Our Christmas plans this year were foiled when we found out at the last minute that what we thought was the plan, wasn't. Well, it was, but it changed and no one clued in that I didn't know.

When the issue was brought up instead of anyone saying, "We are sorry" we got a load of how we aren't that good at being part of the family anyway.

Did I mention I feel like the outsider??....ever wonder why I hesitate to call or visit? I often try to save embarrassment on all sides when people call us at the last minute and say, "Hey! It's New Year's Eve (or whatever the event) and we are all hanging out....where are you?" by responding that we already have plans.....which we generally do. I quit waiting around to get invited as it just makes my kids sad.....they want to join everyone, but we haven't been invited.....and we will no longer go over uninvited. They don't deserve that....so now we go ahead and make our own plans.

Anyway, I have been feeling this for a number of years, and have brought it up a few times, but nothing changes.....so I have my little cry about it and then I stuff it. This time was rather hurtful though, and instead of what I had hoped the response would be (the "we are sorry you feel this way....let's make a new plan).......instead the onslaught came.

Have you ever had a time where you had a sudden realization that made perfect sense, but was rather hurtful and embarrassing?

Besides the, "oh! We forgot you were coming....we made totally different plans....sorry.....hope you can figure something out for Christmas dinner" it was followed up with the reason I may feel like I do is because I am really not liked.

See. I am not imagining things after all!

When I was flat out told that one person in particular really doesn't like me and hasn't for a long time, suddenly things made a lot of sense. That's why I feel like she is bristly around me. That's why she invites people over, and it would make sense to invite me as well, but doesn't. As a matter of fact, she has made it quite clear that my family and I shouldn't show up uninvited. I'm pretty sure if I told the crowd of people who feels welcome to show up uninvited, they wouldn't believe it. But since we have felt funny about going over there when others say, "Come on over!" Allen has, a couple of times, checked to make sure it is okay. The response was, "Everyone certainly isn't invited!" ....so we don't go.

I always cut them some slack when I felt spurned when interacting with them. I  figured there were just too many people hanging out for too long, or maybe she was going through a tough time. I really never did come to the conclusion that she would act that way because she really just plain old didn't like me. What a doh head!

Oh she's nice to me in the proper circumstances. We've exchanged Christmas presents. She was very kind and generous to me when Destiny died. Some situations people feel obligated to help I suppose. WANTING to spend time with me, though, apparently is a whole different thing.

She talks to me when I approach her. But, come to think of it, she never initiates conversations with me when we cross paths. Perhaps that's why our conversations are kind of awkward and short. I approach her. I ask questions about how things are going in her and ler family's lives. And then I walk away awkwardly.

Perhaps that's why her husband has never speaks to me. I always thought he was just shy. It really explains a lot of things I've noticed, but never gave a name to, and simply gave excuses for. It honestly never occurred to me that she plain old, plain and simple, doesn't like me. I was informed though, that it has been an issue for years - many years.

It kind of leaves me stunned.
And hurt.

I suppose all I can do is be polite. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I could be a better person and get her to like me - but today I came to the realization that if I have to work that hard to get someone to like me, is it really worth it? I'm not a terrible person. I would never knowingly do something mean or rude. Come to think of it, there are even a lot of people who like me!

It's a good thing I have plenty of people in my life who do like me and make me feel like I have unique skills and talents and even like to be around me.

It's just a bit of a shocker. I feel a little bit like an idiot to to think I never clued in before this.

I will get up, shake the dust off, and hold my chin high.....and try to not let it bother me when all my family spends time at this persons house.

It's really the only choice.

....but it still makes me sad.

And it makes me sad that whenever I have brought up how I feel left, out nothing changes. No one cares enough to make it change.

So.....it is what it is. I'm one of those people in the family people don't want to hang out with.






Small Improvements

Last night I volunteered at a hockey game at the Saddledome. The Flames organization has a program where you volunteer in the concessions and the money goes towards sports or school trips. I have done it for about a year off and on at Flames games, Hitmen Games, Stamps games, Roughneck games and concerts. It is a pretty sweet deal.

It has probably been 6 months since I have volunteered at at game at the Saddledome. Last night when I was there I realized I have come a long ways in fitness. There are two long flights of stairs and then about 4 shorter sets of stairs you have to climb up to get to the concessions. When I worked games there before I would get extremely winded going up the stairs. Often I would stop in the bathroom or wander a bit just so I wouldn't be so out of breath when I arrived in the concession. Last night I was late and I hurried up the stairs. Actually, I ran. Then I went straight to the concession. I was breathing a little heavy, but nothing embarrassing or worth going to hide for a few minutes to compose myself.

This was a great moment for me! I AM getting better! It motivates me to continue on.

Friday, 28 December 2012

Christmas 2012

Life seems to run full speed around here. I have now been off work for a week, Christms has come and gone, and it feels like the dust is starting to settle.

This has been a diffent year for us because Jill hasn't been home for Christmas. If anyone would have told me that would happen when I had a 14 year old I would have never believed them. She is gone on an away swim camp in La Jolla, CA. She is having lots of fun and they are working her hard: two swim workouts a day and two dry land workouts. And the workouts are tough ones! She is a tough kid though. Christmas has been much quieter without her. We really miss her.

We spend Christmas Eve with Nathan and Becky and their kids. Every time we hang out with them I think that we should do more of that. I sure enjoy them.

Christmas morning came early. We mentioned to Peirce that it would be nice if he slept until 6 am. So at 6:01, there he was. Merry Christmas! We opened gifts, had waffles made with my new waffle iron, and then went to a movie! It was a very relaxing and lovely day.

On Boxing Day we went to my mom's house and visited. We had dinner with Aunt Shirley and her husband, and my mom's friend, Marion. Later My cousin, Brad and his wife, Jill, and Uncle Clifford came over to visit as well. It is always nice to see them.

Today feels like the nothing day.....I should be cleaning and organizing and sewing....but maybe one more day of laziness isn't so bad. I have a long list of things I wanted to do over the break, so tomorrow I will have to get busy. Until then, I am sure enjoying the rest!!

Saturday, 22 December 2012

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Really??

Have you ever had one of those moments where you're in the middle of living and it all suddenly comes to a screeching halt and you stop and wonder, is this real??

The past two days we've had PD days. A teacher that I really admire was talking about her class. She has a bunch of real crackers in her class. They're quick and smart and catch on to everything quickly. She said that when one or two are finished she stops the activity and moves on to something else (she gives them flexible time later to finish things up). Why does she do this? Because, in her words, she can't just have them sit and read quietly. That's such a waste of time.

Really??

Do you really feel that way??

My heart was aching in that moment.